It's been a while since I journaled anything, but not that anyone really reads these anyway...it's all good...it will just feel good to get it all out.

The end of the semester is a few weeks away and because I started working full time and going to school full time and doing homework full time and sleeping part time, I screwed school up AGAIN.. and now I can't drop a class becuase I waited too late into the semester even tho I haven't gone to the class in months...so I'll get an F in it. I got a C in another class .. and I'll probably get a C in the only class I'm still in, if I'm lucky. I missed an exam in it because I was sick.

Speaking of that, I'm starting to get sick again... 2 summers ago I got really sick and was in and out of the hospital w/ problems regarding my stomach, and it's starting to come back. A lot of it has to do with anxiety and my anxiety is always really high at the end of the semester.

I also have to buy a new car within the month, and will have to budget a car payment, insurance, and rent - while going to school full time in the fall and working full time...serving tables at Chili's.

THEN I'm moving to be closer to work and school this summer. I'm moving in with one of my best friends, I'm stoked - but I'm extremely scared and nervous at the same time.

I'm single, and it's getting harder everyday. I feel like I'm missing something, but I'm too shy around girls to do or say anything that would insinuate to the least that I was interested in them.

The days keep going by, and not much is changing, and it's becoming really depressing. I think I'll go to bed now..

Wow, I haven't done a journal since Christmas, so I thought I should catch up.

I just started my new job today at Chili's. I got a job as a server there and it's a new restaurant so it hasn't opened yet; it will Mar 22. It's pretty cool so far, my managers seem nice and it sounds like I will be making bank.

I'm looking for an apartment right now w/ my friend Robert so I can get out of my house and he can get out of the dorms. I found a really nice one today, so hopefully we can check into that Monday.

I stepped down from my position at The Prayer House where I'm on staff. It was a pretty big deal I guess. I put in my notice and I have gotten sooo many phone calls - you'd think I was committing suicide or something. Everyone's understanding though, it's something I had to do for me because I don't have a life lately. I don't have time to even relax. That's probably why I haven't journaled since Christmas nor have I posted any deviations since then.

School is crappy. I hate it. I'm dropping my music class because I want to kill my teacher for being the most boring bitch I've ever attempted retaining information from. It's impossible I've decided to learn anything from her. She is a mongoloid.

A bad thing w/ the new job is...I start fulltime on March 15th and I was supposed to go to a Misty Edwards concert who's my favorite musician and songwriter in the world.. and now I can't. I am sooo bumbed because I've been dying to see her live. And now I can't. She only comes once a year to Sacramento, so maybe I'll just go to Kansas City where she lives and plays every week to see her.

My life is a little hectic lately, and despite all of the good things that are happening, it seems that shit keeps happening in equal amounts. I've been pretty depressed all day and I don't know why. I think it's just the anxiety of everything that's happening right now and being behind in school. I hate being behind in school.

I can't sleep either, I just took a bunch of sleeping pills so hopefully they kick in.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!

So you guys have to tell me what you all got for Christmas if you celebrate it. I GOT A NEW CAMERA! WOOT! So now I might use my old stock account again and put some new photos in there..

Well I hope everyone has a great holiday and eats all kindsa junk food!!

TTYL!

WELLLLLLLL today was my last day of school and thus far I'm really happy about my work in school and grades and all of that.

And I love my friends...

We had a little Christmas get together because schools out and people are going home....My best bud Robert got me THE SIMPLE LIFE on DVD for Christmas..freaking AMAZING. He is soooo #1 on the good list now lol..

Chrystal got me this sweatshirt from Pirates of the Carribean 2 and like candy out the ass ... my favorite too. AND PLAY DOUGH! YES !!

I'm so happy, but so sad because Robert leaves home for Colorado tomorrow and Chrystal is off to San Fransisco to visit her mom and check out schools...so I'm all alone w/o them over break. But perhaps I'll catch up with some old friends while they're gone becuase since I met them we've been hanging out all the time, especially Robert and I... it was nice to meet NICE people who actually CARE and are GOOD people for a change rather than the people I tend to often attract.

So Christmas is off to a great start...I got to give Robert a painting I made of his girlfriend and him, which I'll post as soon as he shoots me over a picture of it.

OH and I start my diet and excercise program tomorrow so I can lost hopefully like 30 pounds this month, my goal is a pound a day...and I've lost 40 in a month in the past healthily (is that a word) so it should be good!

fucking grr.